National

True gender equality still a mirage in modern day NZ

By Deborah Coddington
4:00 AM Sunday Jul 18, 2010
Since when did a girl getting comatose signal she was freely available for sex? Yes, there are silly young things who go out on the town targeting All Blacks, rich guys, famous faces and fat sleaze bags just because they have credit cards with no spending limits, but that doesn't mean they're gagging to be sexually violated, as one letter to the editor last week seemed to intimate. All this nonsense about women setting the standards takes me back 100 years, to the days when people believed the female gender gained nothing from sex except offspring. "Shut your eyes, grit your teeth and think of England, love." "Brace yourself, Mabel." It was only the man who had any passions, and he couldn't control them. So it still seems to be the case. If these slappers, drunken trollops or groupies go out scantily dressed, looking for a good time, then they only have themselves to blame if they rouse the sexual urges of men in their prime, even if they do have wives and children waiting at home. The unfolding news over alleged behaviour by former All Black Robin Brooke has been sleazy, but the vicious reactions from various men and women in blaming the young girl has made me sick. You can forget sexual equality in this country - it's never going to happen. Here's a comparison. A rich guy jumps into his Ferrari and goes on the town dressed in his Ermenegildo Zegna suit, bulging wallet tucked in his pocket. He's looking for a good time, so targets a bar where he'll meet finalists from New Zealand's Next Top Model. They knock back stiff drinks like chartreuse (55 per cent alcohol) then retire to the house of one of the models, where they all get drunk and he passes out. The models take this as permission to drive away in his $550,000 Ferrari. They only return it, wrecked, when someone threatens to call the police. There are no male equivalents to the words slapper, trollop, groupie, but it's his fault for wearing an expensive suit, driving a Ferrari, targeting models, having expensive tastes. Women can't control themselves when tempted by riches and baubles. They're gold-diggers. In an interview, Grahame Thorne admitted to having to think, "did I actually rape anyone?" Can you imagine thinking, "did I actually steal money, or did we exchange goods voluntarily?" The girl in the latest Robin Brooke complaint was just 18 years old. He was 30. I'd really like to know what sort of man gets his pleasure from having sex with a comatose girl. If he's that desperate, why not just go to the nearest abattoir and take a carcass off the chain? And to those who blame the women, answer me this: what if a group of 65- or 70-year-old women go out for a good time, get a little sloshed, and one of them ends up comatose? Is she asking to be shagged, too? These women are our mothers, our sisters, our daughters and that is how the Robin Brookes, the Andy Hadens, the John Harts and the writers of letters to the editors should view human beings. If you encounter anyone drunk, legless and comatose you should help them, ensure they are safe, not have sex with them. When Close Up's Mark Sainsbury asked former All Black coach Hart if he was shocked when he first heard the allegations about Brooke, Hart said he was "disappointed". Disappointed? Disappointed is how you feel when there are no crunchy bits in hokey pokey icecream. Gutted is how you feel when the ATM machine says insufficient funds. Shocked is how Hart and the All Blacks management should have felt, and Brooke should have been stood down and the complainant urged to go to the police. Sadly, it might not have done her much good. She was 18, had abused alcohol, and was up against the might of the All Blacks machine - witness last week's comments by Andy Haden: "If the cheque bounces, sometimes, they only realise they've been raped." If Murray McCully must appoint a Rugby World Cup ambassador, why can't it be Michael Jones, the last of that bunch with values? By Deborah Coddington

Critics stick boot into World Cup minister By Matt Nippert 4:00 AM Sunday Jul 11, 2010 Murray McCully. Photo / Paul EstcourtRugby World Cup minister Murray McCully has been accused of taking a blase attitude to sexual violence for not sacking controversy-plagued Andy Haden. Haden finally resigned from his role as a Cup ambassador yesterday - but refused to back down from his inflammatory comments on rape victims. "I have always believed in saying what I think. It's a sad day for society when people such as I are unable to express what we believe," he said. McCully was attacked for going on holiday and allowing Haden to remain in his role for 48 hours after the controversy emerged. A few hours before Haden tendered his resignation at 5pm, McCully's spokesman James Funnell said the minister was unavailable as he had "gone bush". "[McCully] was sure he'd get hold of him some time over the weekend, but for all I know the minister might be out fishing," said Funnell. "I'm not interested in trying to explain why the minister hasn't made contact with Andy." Kim McGregor, director of Rape Prevention Education, said the minister's attitude was "disappointing" She said, "Survivors of sexual violence and the women of this country are looking for a stronger lead from the minister. This needs to be addressed promptly." She said comments such as Haden's would led to sexual predators avoiding official sanction. "If a rape survivor thinks they'll be blamed, then they're much less likely to report sexual assault to police." Haden sparked outrage when he told a TV show this week that women sought out sports stars and then later accused them of rape. He said: "I think if the cheque bounces sometimes, they only realise they've been raped, you know." The former All Black said, "These girls are targeting rugby players and targeting sportsmen and they do so at their peril today." McCully declined to sack Haden in May after the former All Black sparked a racial furore when he said the Canterbury Crusaders had a policy of "three darkies, no more." Labour leader Phil Goff said McCully's bungling was turning the Rugby World Cup into a farce. "The schemozzle over broadcasting rights, the mess over Queen's Wharf, and the failure to be decisive over Andy Haden all add up to a picture of incompetence," Goff said. Trevor Mallard, Labour's spokesman for the Rugby World Cup, said McCully was distracted by the glamour of his job and was failing to make any progress. He said: "He's a bit of a moth - he goes from bright light to bright light without getting jobs done." By Matt Nippert

Support for abortion law review

Newstalk ZB July 3, 2010, 3:14 pm
The Labour Party's Steve Chadwick has been out of contact, but one organisation has come out in support of her plans to liberalise laws around abortion. The MP wants to allow women to be able to ask for an abortion in the first 24 weeks of a pregnancy, with needing consent. Abortion Law Reform Association president Dame Margaret Sparrow says the current law is out of date, and the change would save New Zealand $5 million a year. And she says doctors would still have the right to refuse an abortion in cases where they felt it was unsafe or unsound. Dame Margaret says women are quite capable of making a decision about abortion, but are forced into a hypocritical situation by outdated laws. She says the present law denies women the right to make their own decision and makes them go through an expensive and cumbersome procedure. Dame Margaret also says she is disappointed, but not surprised, by the reaction from the Labour and National Party leaders, who so far have appeared to avoid the issue.

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Sexual wellbeing is a balance of physical, emotional and sociological factors. It's about protecting and nurturing the sexual health of both you and your partner, getting the most from your sex life and feeling confident and happy about yourself. Sexual wellbeing is a fundamental part of human wellbeing and health.